Comments about what someone is eating, or their body size and shape, are sadly common over Christmas dinner, but never appropriate.

“You actually want some? I didn’t think you’d eat anything so unhealthy!”

“It’s so good to see you tucking in.”

“Go on, have some more. You need fattening up.”

These are all things that have been said to me over Christmas dinner. And they were probably well-meaning, I’m sure. But regardless of the intent, it was very hard not to hear:

“Your worth is tied to your food choices.”

“I’m judging how much you eat.”

“Everyone can see your body is not ideal.”

Comments about what someone eats, or doesn’t eat, or their body, should never be brought to Christmas dinner… yet so often are.

There are many things we think are innocuous, or even positive, that can be difficult to hear if you are trying to overcome disordered eating and body dysmorphia. For someone who is in the early stages of healing their relationship with food, comments about what they eat or what they look like are literally the stuff of nightmares. An innocent remark can completely derail the fragile progress they’ve made.

But that’s not the only reason we should avoid talking about food choices and bodies over Christmas dinner. Or any dinner. Or any time at all, come to that.

We live in a culture that is obsessed with dieting, where it is seen as a sign character strength to deny yourself food you like, as normal to talk disparagingly about your body, and perfectly acceptable to judge what others choose to eat. It’s so ingrained that honestly it can be really hard to re-train ourselves to NOT comment on other people’s bodies and food choices.

I still kick myself every time someone tells me they’ve lost weight and my first thought is “Well done!”. I have no idea how they’ve lost the weight. If they’ve starved themselves thin, should I really be praising them? Of course not! It’s taken years of practice for me to zip my mouth in this scenario, and that is just one example.

We need to be the change we want to see in the world, right? So let’s not feed into diet culture by commenting about other people’s food choices and bodies.

Or our own, come to that.

You may be postcard perfect when it comes to not commenting about other people. But do you extend the same courtesy to yourself?

Most people would balk if someone told their child they couldn’t where a bikini because they shouldn’t show their fat tummy. And for good reason! That’s simply horrible! But my mother said this about herself when I was little (I still remember it), and I’ve heard multiple friends say it about themselves as well. And no one even blinked an eye (apart from 5-year-old me, I guess).

So why the double standard?

Sometimes we treat others so well, but we are our own harshest critics. And every time we say these negative things about ourselves, we are feeding diet culture. Even if no one else is around (and remember little eyes and ears are always alert, even when we don’t think they are paying attention at all), accepting these kinds of thoughts as truth is fuelling diet culture in and of itself.

It’s clearly not as simple as me saying, “Don’t think bad things about your body and your food choices” and hey presto you stop. We are un-training a lifetime of messaging that our worth is completely tied up with our body size and our ability to deny ourselves ‘unhealthy’ food. It’s a process. A long and difficult process.

We can start by not saying aloud that we look fat, or ugly, or we can’t wear certain things or eat certain things. Then we can move deeper by acknowledging that we have negative thoughts like this, recognising that those thoughts are not serving us, and letting them go.

We won’t always get it right. We’ll screw it up a lot, in fact. But practice makes perfect.

And just imagine a Christmas dinner where no one was secretly anxious that everyone else was judging them. Where everyone was so focused on spending precious time with their loved ones that the food wasn’t actually front and centre of the whole day. A table where everyone ate what they wanted, and how much of it they wanted, without guilt and shame. Where no one had starved themselves beforehand because they were ‘saving up calories’.

A Christmas where diet culture died – that would be the ultimate gift.

And if you’re wanting a bit of help getting through this holiday season intact, you can grab my free No-Diet Holiday Survival Guide.

This guide will show you how to:
– stop obsessing over food
– deal with diet culture talk from others
– eat without guilt
– prioritize your energy
– deal with bad body image moments

AND how to keep up your food freedom journey beyond the holiday season. It’s a no-brainer! Download it here.