It’s usually not feasible to eliminate junk food entirely from our lives, so it’s important that we learn HOW to eat it.

“Something weird happened at school today.” My 5-year-old didn’t look upset, he just had the usual pensive expression he wore as he mulled over all the new things he was encountering since starting school.

“What was the weird thing?” I asked.

“I was eating my lunchbox and Sara said I shouldn’t be eating Oreos because they’re bad for you.”

My breath got stuck somewhere between my nose and my lungs and I felt like I was choking. I had been dreading this day. The day I knew had to come. My perfect little intuitive eater had finally encountered diet culture.

Having been a dietitian for 10 years, specializing in eating disorders no less, I’ll admit that nothing terrifies me more than diet talk. I know all too well the disordered behaviours it can create.

While little Sara’s parents were probably thinking of nothing but the health of their precious child when they told her that biscuits were bad for her, they probably didn’t know that talk like that puts people in the perfect mindset to become binge eaters and yoyo dieters.

It’s absolutely undeniable that some food is better for us than other food. But I am a firm believer in teaching children (and adults, too) how to eat ultra-processed junk food. Because we cannot shelter them forever. And if they feel like they’re deprived of it, if they’re not allowed it, if it’s ‘only for adults’, or if it’s ‘bad’… It can create food obsession.

Have you ever met one of those children at a birthday party who cannot stop eating? Who literally eats until they throw up? Those children don’t get access to ‘bad food’ at home, so they feel the need to load up on it while they can.

Or have you come across those kids who swap food at school? Or the ones who sneak into the cupboards at night and eat all of the packet food that’s forbidden to them? It’s the same deal. They want it precisely because they’re not allowed it and they rarely get it.

So what are we meant to do? Load them up on junk food all the time? That’s not going to be good for them either!

The way I deal with this conundrum is simple: I focus on what to include, not exclude.

I buy some junk food every now and again and we have it as part of a meal or snack with other foods. If they ask for more they’re allowed it. But you’d be surprised at how rare it is that they do ask for more. They know they can have it, so it’s no big deal to them.

I take the same approach with my teenage and adult clients, advising them to “Have what you want, add what you need”. If you want Oreos, go for it! But pair it with what you know your body needs. Maybe you add some yoghurt for protein and fruit for nourishment. And if you can eat it mindfully and really enjoy it, that’s even better! There’s no guilt or shame here. Only joy.

I choose to do things this way because the alternative is unsustainable. We all like the ‘bad foods’. They’re designed very cleverly to make us like them! And if we try to avoid them altogether, we’re more likely to binge out on them when we do come across them.

And I take great care not to ever utter things like, “Let’s be bad and have McDonald’s”, or “We’ll just be a bit naughty and get some ice cream.” Just as I never say, “Be good and eat your greens.” What we eat doesn’t make us a good or bad person. No food has that kind of power over us.

Instead, I talk about what food tastes like and what it does for us, e.g. “Veggies kept your poos nice and soft so they don’t hurt” and “Milk helps to keep your bones strong”. When asked what something like Oeros does for us, I usually just say, “Oh they’re just because they taste good, they don’t help you grow or keep your healthy or anything. They’re just for fun.”

And I back up my words by offering those foods sometimes. Which is why I had put two Oreos in his lunchbox that day.

And now the moment had finally come to see if my little one had taken any of it on board. I looked at my son and nervously whispered, “What did you say to Sara?”

“I said, ‘Just because they don’t help you grow or anything doesn’t mean you can’t have them! You can have them just for fun!’ Isn’t that right, Mummy?”

Well bless my articulate little mate. It turned out all that work I put in to try to build a healthy relationship with food for him was working. My breath now miraculously unstuck, I exhaled the words, “That’s right, my darling.”

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