It is a truth universally acknowledged that what you say is not necessarily what your client hears. So how can you get them to listen?
“So how have things been since I last saw you?” I asked my client, my pen poised above my notepad.
“Good, good,” she began. “I cut out all gluten and dairy and I’ve been trying to be as keto as possible, so I think I’m on the right track.”
My face froze. It’s a reflex when you work in healthcare. You can’t let your expression give away your thoughts, so you just lock your poker face into place. But underneath my neutral mask, my brain had just exploded like a wasp nest hit with a hammer.
I had never told her to cut out any foods, let alone entire food groups. And I definitely didn’t recommend going keto. Where was this coming from? And how on earth was I going to fix it?
The thing was, I had actually created this scenario myself.
In our first consultation, she had told me about all of the different diets she had tried. And there were a lot of them. She was a typical yoyo dieter, always searching for the ‘right’ diet. And I had let her talk about it uninterrupted for far too long.
I hadn’t moved the consultation along quickly enough, so when I spoke, I was in a hurry. I skipped my usual steps, blabbered to her about regular eating and sent her on her way.
I hadn’t explained why diets don’t work.
I hadn’t checked her understanding of the action steps I wanted her to take.
And I sure as heck didn’t get her buy-in.
That first consultation is key. If you don’t handle it carefully, not only could your client go away and do something completely different to what you said, they may also never come back.
The way I structure an initial consultation is in 4 parts, like quarters in a basketball game. They may get a little jumbled around as conversation flows naturally, but the usual sequence goes like this:
- Background
- Day in the life
- Thoughts
- Action steps
Background
I always start with getting to know my client and the context in which they’re seeing me. Do they live alone or are they cooking for others? Do they have a history of dieting? Has something happened recently that triggered them coming to see me? Understanding the background is essential for steps 3 and 4 to work properly.
Where I went wrong with this particular woman, was that I never moved past this step!
If the client wants a weight loss diet, not only do I ask them why they want to lose weight (the goal here is to switch them from a weight loss goal to a health gain goal – see this blog post or sign up for my free 10 min training here), I will also draw their attention to the fact that diets have never worked for them long-term.
To achieve this, I use one line: “Is that serving you?”
The answer is always no. Because if the diets were working long-term, then why would the client be coming to see me? But this line makes them pause. They take stock. They have to really think about it. And then the diet illusion shatters.
I could just straight up tell them that diets don’t work, but it’s so much more powerful coming from them. Instead of being just another person telling them what to do, you become a guide, helping them to realise it themselves.
Day in the life
Next, I’ll ask them to take me through a typical day, including everything they eat and drink. I write it all down and I check with the client that I’ve correctly captured everything.
Thoughts
I re-read the day in the life, out loud, to my client. Then I ask them what they think about it.
So many of my students skip this step. They’re eager to give voice to their own thoughts and opinions. They want to tell the client what to do. After all, that’s what they’re being paid for, right?
Wrong.
Your client doesn’t want you to tell them what to do. You client wants you to guide them to a healthier, happier life. Those two things are not the same.
To achieve true health and happiness, the client needs to be fully invested. And I know through a decade of experience that simply telling them what to do does not cut it. You need to get your client to voice it first. It has to be their idea. Because when it’s their idea, they follow through.
By asking what their thoughts are on their daily eating and sleeping patterns, you’re getting them to identify where they’re going wrong. This is usually the point where I’ll reinforce that diets don’t work and give some education as to why (see this blog post for the breakdown).
And then you can work together to come up with solutions, or action steps.
Action steps
I go to great lengths to NOT give my clients all the answers. I want them to really have to think about it. And when they come up a solution, I challenge them.
Say they want to start having breakfast. Okay, well what are they going to have? Do they have the ingredients for that? What are they going to do when they’re running late in the morning and they don’t have time to make it? What will they do if they feel nauseous?
You get the idea. You’re not just setting a vague overarching goal (have breakfast), you’re planning out all the steps they need to take to get there, and creating a contingency plan for when things go wrong.
Plus, your client is voicing everything in their own words, so you know they understand. They won’t be coming back to you in 3 weeks having cut out gluten and dairy and gone keto…
Fortunately, I was able to identify where I had gone wrong with my client and I managed to get the consultation back on track by using my golden line: “Is that serving you?”