The way you speak about your body matters. It shapes your mindset, affects your self-esteem, and can influence how you treat yourself.

You’re looking in the mirror and you don’t like the wrinkles you see. You think, “I look too old.”

You’re walking and you don’t like how your thighs rub together. You think, “My thighs are too big.”

You’re getting dressed and you don’t like how tight the fabric is over your stomach. You think, “My stomach is so disgusting.”

The negative body thoughts are often so ingrained you might not even realize you’re doing it. And part of you might even believe that you need to shame yourself so that you’ll have the motivation to turn down the piece of cake or go for a run.

But it just doesn’t work like that in real life. You can’t hate yourself healthy, because hating yourself is the very opposite of health.

Whether it’s commenting on your appearance, comparing yourself to others, or wishing certain body parts would change, these thoughts can have a profound impact on how we see ourselves. Not to mention how those around us, especially children, view their own bodies.

And I know what you’re thinking: “Once I’ve lost weight, I’ll love my body.” But that’s a whopping great lie. My thin clients tell me how much they want to change themselves just as much as my overweight clients. Losing weight isn’t a magic switch to loving yourself.

Which means you can’t put off shifting your language around your body until you look a certain way. You need to put the work in now or you’ll never appreciate yourself no matter what you look like.

Here are the 15 common negative body comments I hear, and my suggestions for alternatives that reflect a more positive or neutral perspective. When the negative thought comes up, try to catch it. And purposefully think the positive or neutral thought instead until it becomes a habit.

1. “I need to lose weight.”

Neutral: “My body shows up for me every day, helping me live my life.”

2. “I hate how I look in this.”

Positive: “I appreciate how my body allows me to move and experience life.”

3. “I wish I was as thin as I used to be.”

Positive: “I’ve grown in strength and wisdom over the years.”

4. “I’m so out of shape.”

Neutral: “I’m working on moving in ways that feel good to me.”

5. “I’m too fat to wear this.”

Neutral: “I wear what makes me feel comfortable and confident.”

6. “I look awful in pictures.”

Neutral: “Photos capture my experiences and memories, not my worth.”

7. “I can’t eat that; it will make me gain weight.”

Neutral: “I’m allowed to enjoy food that nourishes both my body and my soul.”

8. “I’ll be happy once I lose weight.”

Positive: “I can embrace joy at every size and stage of life.”

9. “I wish I looked like them.”

Neutral: “I’m unique, and my body reflects my individual journey.”

10. “I need to tone my arms.”

Positive: “My arms allow me to move, hold, and create.”

11. “I don’t like my stretch marks.”

Neutral: “These marks tell the story of my life’s journey.”

12. “I look too old.”

Positive: “Aging shows the wisdom and experience I’ve gained.”

13. “I need to burn off these calories.”

Neutral: “Movement is a way to celebrate my body, not punish it.”

14. “My thighs are too big.”

Positive: “My thighs are strong and help me walk, run, and move.”

15. “I’m never going to be happy with my body.”

Neutral: “I’m learning to appreciate my body for all it does for me.”

Rather than focusing on your perceived flaws, you can learn to appreciate your body for what it does for you every day. Speaking kindly about your body, or even just being neutral about it, helps create a healthier relationship with yourself. If you can get into this habit, it will not only improve your mental health, it will also encourage the people around you to develop a more balanced view of their own bodies.

You’ve been through a lot in this body and it’s always shown up for you. Choose words that honour it.