It seems logical and sound, but telling clients to have everything in moderation may actually be the reason they are not making progress
Most clients have heard it before and I’m betting you’ve said it (I’ve certainly said it in the past): “Everything in moderation.”
It sounds so reasonable. It has this ring of wisdom to it. But if you look closer, you’ll find that it’s actually one of the most unhelpful pieces of advice we can give.
Let me explain.
Suppose your client tells you, “I’m not doing any more diets, I’m just trying to eat everything in moderation now.” And at first, you’re ecstatic! They’re not longer cutting out all carbs or swearing by the latest influencer trend… But before you know it, a familiar pattern emerges.
They still describe foods as “good” and “bad”. They still talk about “being good” during the week then “treating themselves” on the weekend. They still feel guilty if they have “too much” chocolate. In other words, they’re still stuck in the same black-and-white mindset.
“Everything in moderation” hasn’t set them free, it’s just softened the language around restriction.
Your initial happiness fades as they stall in their progress, and and you start to feel frustrated that they still binge eat, they still can’t shift their weight, they still can’t seem to control their portions. Over time, you may even start dreading their appointments because nothing seems to work for them. You’re secretly happy when they don’t show up or you can refer them to someone else…
I’ve been there. And “everything in moderation” was the culprit! With a different approach, everything shifted.
Why “everything in moderation” backfires
“Everything in moderation” is just a rebrand of diet culture. Just like we all know that calling someone “a person living in a larger body” means the same thing as calling them fat, “Everything in moderation” is still a diet, it just sounds softer, kinder.
But however you word it, it’s still saying “You’re a good person if you eat nutritious foods, and you are bad if you have too much junk food”. This keeps your clients trapped in a diet culture mindset of:
- Moral judgment based on what they eat/don’t eat (“I was so bad last night”)
- Restriction (“I’ll be good tomorrow”)
- All-or-nothing thinking (“I’ve already blown it, I might as well just get finish the whole packet so that it’s gone”)
It’s such an easy trap to fall into precisely because it sounds so reasonable and kind on the surface. Even for practitioners who are aware of the harms of restrictive dieting, “Everything in moderation” feels like some kind of safe, middle-ground advice because of how it’s worded.
But under the surface, it still prioritizes the client controlling food according to external rules, instead of trusting their body’s internal cues.
What clients hear may not be what you mean
At this point, you may be thinking that when you say “everything in moderation” you mean that all foods fit, that there is a place for all types of food. You’re trying to say that balance can be achieved. But please take my word for it when I tell you that that is not what a client hears. They hear:
- “Don’t eat too much!”
- “You can have it, but it would be better if you didn’t.”
- “You still need to control yourself.”
For someone who’s lived years in a restrict–binge cycle, this language keeps them in a state of micro-restriction. It’s not as overt as being on a diet, as they’re technically allowed to eat all foods – but internally, they’re still on edge, waiting for the moment they’ll “go too far.” This means their nervous system is never fully relaxed into the parasympathetic rest-and-digest mode. There’s always a low-grade threat present, so there’s always an element of alertness.
This is not true food freedom. It’s a diet in disguise.
Achieving true moderation requires a different approach
Here’s the truth that no one says: moderation is not a skill we can teach. It’s a natural outcome of a healthy relationship with food.
When the body feels safe with food, moderation happens automatically. But when the body still perceives scarcity (whether that’s not buying enough of the food they really want, or not putting enough of it on their plate, or telling themselves, “I better only have a little bit of this”), it will always swing toward urgency and loss of control.
The real progression from restrict-binge to moderation goes more like this:
- Neutral language – a cookie is just a cookie, not an “indulgence” or “cheat food”
- Regular eating – consistent nourishment throughout the day so the body stops fearing long periods of deprivation then trying to make up for it
- Abundance – giving themselves permission to eat all foods, in any quantities. There is no scarcity mindset here! Yes, things will go crazy at first, but they’ll settle down again and trigger food begins to loses their power over them
- True moderation emerges – hunger and fullness hormones stabilize, cravings subside, and clients start naturally wanting more nutritious foods because the body and brain now trust that all foods are available upon request
This is why our work has to go deeper than surface-level advice like “everything in moderation”. Moderation doesn’t come from willpower – it comes from restoring physiological and psychological trust. This is why a shift from coaching that relies on behavioural control to coaching that encourages internal regulation is the best thing we can do for our clients (and our own sanity! No more dreading appointments!)
It’s time to retire “everything in moderation” and encourage “everything without moral judgment.” Because moderation isn’t something we teach. It’s the side effect of a healed relationship with food.
If you want true food freedom for your clients, you need an approach that tackles the real causes of disordered eating. I’m teaching exactly this in my free online Masterclass next week: The Roadmap from Disordered Eating to Intuitive Eating (and where weight loss fits in).
In this session, I’ll be walking you through the exact framework I have developed over the last decade to help clients repair their relationship with food, so that moderation becomes effortless, instead of an enforced rule.
I’ll be going over:
- What IS disordered eating exactly? The silent majority of your clients struggle with it!
- The most overlooked red flags you need to be aware of – they’re so normalized you might not realize you’re missing them
- The 5 simple steps from disordered eating to intuitive eating – this is the exact framework that I use every single day!
- How weight loss fits in, when it happens, and how weight loss meds are changing things…
This opportunity won’t come around again for another 6 months, so save your space today and come armed with all the questions you think sound too silly to ask, or problems you’re facing with your tricky clients – because I’ll answer everything in a Live Q&A at the end.
Remember, moderation is not the goal. Freedom is. When you teach food safety and trust, moderation takes care of itself! See you on the Masterclass.